Has-Been Hazards

Tune Traditional: Cushy Butterfield / One of the Has-beens

July 17 - 2010 Federal Election announced. A Parody for the times. The tune is available in numerous Australian Folksong books or recordings.


I'm one of the has-beens, a Prime Minister ex,
I once used to advertise Ko-koda treks,
But I stayed far too long on the political trail,
I was put out to pasture by an up-start female.

Now I've been overlooked by the cricketing mob.(Aughh ugh ugh)
No that's not a cough, it's a strangulated sob.
The game that they served me it just wasn't fair,
You could not call it cricket but they didn't care.

NOW THERE* is a new chum in line for the Lodge,
(* pause to emphasize each word in capitals)

But that straw-berry blonde has ex-PM's to dodge.
(Repeat last line with Audience participation as chorus)

I'm a has-been as well, or so the press say,
But my name is still fore-front by the hand of D'Alpuget
My silvery mane it still covers my head,
I do not wear budgies, I'm called one instead.

PAST PM's* are not helping the sheila it seems,
They are too busy trying to mend broken dreams.
(Audience repeats last line)

I'm another of the has-beens, I freed up the banks
I was all for getting rid of the Brits not the Yanks,
But at least I have a musical, and though it's not the top job
I still like to spar with a Budgie called Bob.

NOW THIS* stella, sheila new chum, some thought she was Red
But that Copper-top, that Ranga, looks blue now instead.
(Audience repeats last line)

I was not a PM, just up for the job,
I was feisty I was frantic to strike with a left lob.
But one blow too many and Howard won through,
I wish I had dyed my hair now, and called myself Blue.

YES THAT* Redhead is striking her light very well,
She a match for Tony Abbott the chief lib-er-al
(Audience repeats last line)

I'm Kevin from Queensland an ex-PM too,
My end it came suddenly, a bolt from The Blue
My life was up-turned I did not see the trend,
Unlike Mist-er Beckham I never learnt to bend.

God, if it was you who decided the coup
I don't understand 'cos she doesn't talk to you,
All those Sundays in church had me feeling secure,
Now I'm here in the wilderness, lost and unsure.

BUT SHE'S* a Redhead, a Coppertop, a Ranga, a Blue,
With a rival like that let's hope Abbott's gone too.
(Audience repeats last line )